Practical Universalism

Universalism is the heretical teaching that everybody will go to heaven, even if they don’t want to. Practical universalism (a heresy I invented one night when I was bored) is stricter. It means that if you want to go to heaven, you have to be sincere or you have to be religious. But that’s okay because everybody is sincere or religious, aren’t we?

No, we aren’t. Some of us are sincere, most of us are religious, many of us are neither, a few are both. Practical universalism assumes everybody is already pretty much okay, because they prayed a certain rote prayer sometime in their lives, or a reasonable facsimile thereof. So, in the end, practical universalism means the same thing as classical universalism. You are expected to go to heaven, like it or not. You are expected to become the bride of Christ, even if you’d rather become the bride of someone else.

A related heresy teaches that everything will always work out okay for everybody. Prayers will be answered even when we don’t pray. We can become just like Jesus even when we don’t care much about it. We can have the benefits of faith without having faith.

Edit: oh, we’re coming up with new doctrines all the time. How about parousial sanctification or proportional atonement?

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4 Responses to “Practical Universalism”

  1. mdmcginn Says:

    I’m single myself, so I know how it feels when you haven’t committed your life to someone else, humanly speaking. I wish I knew less about how it feels spiritually speaking.

  2. You are not in the Bible. » Tantalizing if True Says:

    […] ; greeting cards, but they only given to his people. Otherwise, applying them is a form of practical universalism. According to this theory, everything nice happens everywhe […]

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    […] practical universalism and proportional atonement, parousial sanctification is another doctrine I invented one night when […]

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    […] Practical universalism isn’t very practical. It doesn’t help people become godly, anymore than hiring blind umpires makes baseball more exciting. The umpire can’t grade on a curve. He has to decide if the runner arrived before the ball, or the ball before the runner. But if the runner never arrives, he doesn’t have to decide anything. The answer is obvious. It doesn’t matter how fast a baseball player ran from second to third, it doesn’t matter how sincerely. If he doesn’t make it to home plate, he doesn’t score. It doesn’t count. If you never become the kind of person who wants to spend eternity praising God, it doesn’t matter how close you got to it. You won’t be forced to spend eternity praising God. […]

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