A controversy during the Reformation was whether a priest could properly serve the Lord’s Supper if he was living in sin. When I’ve helped to lead worship in church, I do try to sing loudly and clearly enough so that it helps other people, but that’s not all that it means to lead worship. But when I think too much about it, instead of praying, “God, make what I’m singing about become real to me,” I’ve often tried harder to act like it’s real, thinking that would be a blessing for the congregation to see me with a spiritual look on my face. But whatever is not of faith is sin.
I get embarassed all the time about trying anything unusual in worship. As if I thought I was holier than others. Then it occurs to me that I need to be more fervent in worship and prayer precisely because I’m not as holy as others. Bartimaeus didn’t whisper, “Jesus, son of David, have mercy on me… when you get a chance. I don’t want to bother you.”